Thicker than Blood – Part Six

Big Tits

My first half year at state was bad and worse than bad. It was the loneliness mostly. The nights were the worst of course, nothing to do but think and wonder how things were going back there, at his house. From the way Stacey’d talked to me that last time I’d seen her while I was still in county lockup, I was sure that what they were saying about me to Jenna as well as to each other was likely not real sympathetic or empathetic, more likely pathetic. I had to smile though; they were out of the loop and that pleased me no end. Did I care about what they said? Not an iota. I’d done what I had to do to protect my baby, the baby the two cheaters had tried to minimize my influence with, really take from me!. I was more than doubtful that my erstwhile brother, ex-brother, would have done as much to protect her. He was way too much into the material things of life: money, station, social influence were what mattered most to him. No, he would, I was sure, have hired her the best of lawyers, bribed people, done everything in his power to get her a reduced sentence, but in the end never would he have opted to take her place behind bars; it wasn’t in him. ****** “But mom, I need to go see him,” said Jenna. “Listen to me, honey. Your dad David has asked that no one come up to see him while he is in there. He told me in no uncertain terms that he just doesn’t want to have visitors. He said it would be just too much for him to deal with. He will see us when he gets out; those were his words, not mine. Okay?” said Stacey. “Mom, I need to see him. I gotta try. Okay? I mean I gotta!” she said. “I know what he said, but I gotta try.” “Jenna, your dad did an awful thing killing those three men. I mean it was a truly awful thing . . .” at her words her daughter broke into uncontrollable sobbing; she ran from the room. They’d been talking in the kitchen. The back door creaked open and her husband came in holding two small grocery bags. Stacey sagged down into a chair at the kitchen table. “Talking to Jenna,” he said, correctly analyzing the despairing look in his wife’s eyes and features. She nodded. “Yes. She’s intent on trying to go up to the prison and see him. He’s of the same opinion as me about that, like I told you. He doesn’t want to be visited. Said it would be too much for him. But Jenna . . .” she said. “I guess, I understand where she’s coming from. I mean she feels guilty that he did what he did because of her, to save her,” said Ronald Carter. “Never mind that it was overkill.” “Exactly. She just now ran up to her room to sob some more. She hasn’t stopped being melancholy since it all happened,” she said. “I’m at my wits end trying to get her to a place where she can at least accept things and be patient and wait for him to get out. The lawyer said most like six or seven years.” He nodded. “I think that figures to be about right if he stays out of trouble while he’s in there,” he said. “You know, my telling her what’s what isn’t doing it. Maybe you . . .” she said, and stopped. She was clearly hoping he’d finish the sentence for her. “Okay, I’ll talk to her. I already have of course, but not specifically about her wanting to go up there to see him,” he said. “I guess now I have to. I know my brother would want her to be calm and patient and live her life. About that I have no doubt. It was stupid of him to kill those three men, but It’s not like . . . well something.” “I know. It’s so not his way. But maybe, you know, Jenna being in trouble. I mean maybe he thought that he didn’t have a choice,” she said. “Yes, that had to be it. There’s no other explanation,” he said. “You know, maybe you could talk to Aunt Delia, and her to Jenna.” “Yes, that might be a way to go. I’m pretty sure she could get Jenna to listen to reason if it comes to that,” said Stacey. “Yes, let’s try that. I’ll contact Aunt Delia tomorrow.” ****** Delia Westbrook looked thoughtfully at the two visitors across the table from her. “Of course I’ll talk to her if you like,” said Aunt Delia. “But, that said, I’m not sure I agree with you as to the wisdom, or unwisdom, of her going up there. And, yes, I know that David doesn’t want visitors. And, even though he doesn’t want them, the fact is he’s going to need them, and chief among is Jenna. “Tell you what, I’m going up there regardless. Let me talk to him about it, I mean about him allowing visitors. Maybe we can get a handle on this somehow and do the right thing. At any rate I’m going to try,” she said. The two visitors looked at each other. Stacey nodded for Ronald to take the lead. “Aunt Delia, Stacey and I, well, we agree with David that we should all stay away from that awful place and wait till he gets home before seeing him, including Jenna,” said Ronald. His aunt smiled at him. “Ronald, Stacey, that man is part of our lives. Yes, what he did was truly awful. He’s being punished enough for that. He doesn’t need to be abandoned by us because of it. If you two don’t want to go, or refuse to, well, that’s up to you. But, I am going. And, I will ask about Jenna going, I mean being allowed to go. If he says no. well, then okay, that’ll be it. But otherwise, I hope you won’t try to influence Jenna not to. Okay? Please?” she said. “Okay, Aunt Delia, if you think that’s the best thing. I have to admit to really not being sure how to go with all of this. It’s all just so crazy,” said Stacey. Her husband nodded his agreement. ****** I was as nervous as I had ever been. I’d been inside for almost seven months and this is the first time I’d been told that I had a visitor. Any other visitor would have gotten a big fat bahis siteleri go home! But, Aunt Delia? I’d agreed to see her; I actually wanted to. I saw her come through the heavy door and head for the four person metal table with attached metal stools where I’d had set up camp. I rose as she approached. “Hello, Aunt Delia,” I said. She smiled her usual disarming smile, and I was, well, disarmed. “I won’t ask you how you are, David; I’m sure I already know,” she said. “But, I hope you are well at least.” “I’m okay, Aunt Delia. I mean the food’s bad, the company worse, and the guards heartless and mostly brainless; but health-wise I guess I’m okay,” I said. “Well, thank the Lord for that. “You know, if you would allow, others would be up here to visit you. I know that you told Jenna and Stacey both that you didn’t want visitors, but . . .” she said. I nodded in acknowledgement of her words. “Yes, that’s true and that is indeed the way I want it,” I said. “And me?” she said. “You? Well, you’re different,” I said. “If you were to come every once in a great while, well . . .” “Well, thank you for that, and I will,” she said. “I’ll bring cookies next time.” She smiled, her attempt to make me feel a little more human I supposed. “That’d be great,” I said. We talked for some time. I got the skinny on how the family, my ex-family was coping with the situation. I was somewhat concerned that Jenna was having so much trouble dealing with things at her end. I did not want her to fall apart. Hell, that’s the reason I was certain that she could never have survived inside. I made an on the spot decision. “Aunt, Delia, tell Jenna I will see her. I need to calm her down and get her to live her life and not worry about me. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do, but I need her not to be acting the way she is, or reacting if that’s the right term. I don’t know if I can be successful in that, but I guess I gotta try,” I said. “Okay, David, I will tell her. She’ll likely break speed records getting up her the next visiting day,” said Aunt Delia. I had to smile at that. “Of course I had an ulterior motives in allowing Jenna the chance to come up to see me. One, I needed her to calm down and not be so emotional about everything. And two, I wanted her to stop pressuring her two parents let her come up. Yes, I’d see her, but I would make it more than plain that I did not want her to come up anymore. The once would be it. ****** It was almost a month before I saw her, Jenna. It was a holiday, memorial day. Visitors were allowed on third Sundays of the month and national holidays; them were the rules. “Daddy, daddy, my God how sorry I am,” said my baby. “Jenna calm down. And oh yeah, hello,” I said. “Daddy, I don’t know if I can keep this up. I know what we agreed, but it is so unfair to you,” she said. “Jenna, listen to me. They would likely not believe you even if you tried to undo our agreement. But, regardless of any of that, I can do this without undue problem; you could not! Now, I need you to listen to me and obey your daddy, okay?” I said. “Daddy . . .” she sobbed. “Stop that right now. I need you to back my play, now. You need to be strong for the both of us. And, for the record those men deserved to die; they were awful people who were ruining the lives of many others, you included,” I said. “But, daddy it is so wrong,” she said. “Jenna, I see it as an opportunity to make things right by you, by all of us, even my brother,” I said. “I can’t explain it all to you now, not enough time, but when I get out, and I will get out, I will tell all to you and to them,” I said. “Daddy?” she said. “When I get out,” I said. “Do you think you can pull yourself together enough for us to get by this little delay we’re going to have between now and our next meet up?” I was sounding as demanding as I could without hitting at her too hard. “Okay, daddy. Daddy, I love you,” she said. And that dear reader made my day, her words. “Good!” I said. “I love you too.” We talked a little longer. I found out some stuff about her school plans: plans for college which she promised me she’d start in the fall, some months hence. I hoped she’d keep her focus; that was a critical thing for me. At any rate I was on my own now. I had to depend on the two cheaters to raise her right for the next several years. But, as to that I was pretty confident that they would. Jesus! I was alone and lonely and sick at heart. I would be spending a lot of sleepless nights over the next many years, and most of them, for what it’s worth , would not be related to Jenna. No, they would be mostly about my lost love, Stacey Carter. God how I needed that woman! Knowing I could never have her again was destructive of my very soul! ****** I guess it was the equivalent of a Dear John letter. The sometime might’ve, could’ve, should’ve been new love of my life, Madeleine Carter nee Barry, didn’t visit me, but she did write me. Of course she didn’t try to visit me because of my prohibition against visitors from wheresoever, well, except Aunt Delia. She was apologetic as hell. But the bottom line was that at her age she couldn’t wait for me to get out. She needed a man, a husband, sooner rather than later. I understood, and I empathized with her situation. I wrote her back a note of understanding and wished her well. I wasn’t sure Madeleine was a good fit for me anyway. She was great as a friend and sometime bed partner, but as a lifetime mate, soulmate, well, I wasn’t sure about that. So, considering the situation as a whole, I had to figure that her abandoning me made sense. Hell, I had to believe canlı bahis siteleri that she would shed a few more tears than I would over the lost opportunity, so what the hey, it was what it was. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX 2008 It’s not my fault, so why do I feel guilty. The man, my used to be man, didn’t have to kill those guys. He could have run off after he got the gun away from that Harry guy. But he shot ‘em down, all of them. Oh my, what a scene that must have been! And Jenna was there to see it. I know why she is always crying now for sure: she feels responsible. If she hadn’t been there, none of it would have happened. But, even allowing for that; he didn’t have to kill them, certainly not all of them! Why! Why! Why! Lucky he had a good lawyer; he could have gotten the death penalty. But seven to ten years is severe enough I guess. He’ll have time to think about what he did, to them, and to all of us, thought Stacey. ****** “Okay, she went up there. So . . .?” said Ronald Carter. “Yes, she did. She actually did! Aunt Delia gave her the go ahead. I guess, David okay’d it with her first; then, she relayed the invitation to Jenna,” said Stacey. “And?” he said. “And, I guess there were tears and solace and a request by him that there be no more visits by anybody until he gets out,” she said. “Hmm, so maybe in hindsight it turned out to be a good thing. I mean her going up there to see him,” said Ronald. She nodded. “I guess, I mean apparently. At least now we won’t have to be pressuring her to not go. I guess that’s something. I have to say that I appreciate his attitude. He’s doing the right thing or trying to. Heaven knows it’s little enough. He has a lot to make up for,” she said. “Yes he does. But, on the upside, Jenna will be pretty much in our circle from now on. I mean I will be able to be the dad I’ve so wanted to be. And, maybe I can finally sell her on the idea that I’m not just a late comer to the party,” he said. “Hmm, yes, I guess. But, her guilt at being the cause of his going up there, well, I mean we do still have to go slow. We don’t want to appear to be taking advantage of the situation; that would not be good; it could backfire on us if we tried,” she said. “Yes, I see what you mean. So we just let things take their natural course. No pressure. We’ll just be there, available,” he said. “Yes, exactly,” she said. “She has indicated that she wants to start college in the fall. That’s just a couple of months off,” he said. “Yes. She’s told me that she talked to you about that,” she said. “Wants to be a lawyer, she told me.” “Well, maybe by the time he gets out she’ll be one,” he said. The woman smiled. “Wouldn’t that be something,” she said. “It would indeed,” he said. “A couple of months you say,” she said. “Yes, I have a contact or two. I can get her in at State even at this late date. I’ll take tomorrow off and head over there and get the ball rolling. By this time next month, she’ll have her classes and be all signed up and ready to go,” he said. “Good, good, very good,” she said. ****** The tears rolled down her cheeks. The day was hot and humid. The pool a few scant yards across from her, as she sat under the umbrella table on their expansive patio, glistened in the afternoon sun. She recalled better days as she sat there and waited for her man and her daughter to return from the nearby college campus. She wondered if her daughter would write the man upstate and tell him of her plans. She knew she’d told him that she was planning on going to college, but of course at the time she, Jenna, had had no details that she could reasonably have shared with him. Well, she would now. She heard the garage door opener engage across the yard from her. They were home. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and made to get up and go into the house. She’d reminisce about her other man, the one who used to be her man, another time. She did miss the lug for sure, that would never change. She hoped he was all right, well, as all right as he could be in a place like that. ****** “Hi,” he said. He threw his briefcase on to the dinette table and wrapped his arms around the woman he’d stolen from his brother. “Hi to you too,” she said, “how’d everything go?” “Good, Jenna’s in, in the school. She has an appointment with her advisor tomorrow at 3:00PM,” he said. The two older adults turned toward the sound of the door opening and closing in the back of the adjacent kitchen. Jenna entered the room and unburdened her arms of the quarter ton of papers and folders she’d been carrying in from the car. “Hi, mom,” she said. “Hi, honey. So you’re going to college,” said Stacey. “Yes, gonna get it done,” said Jenna. “Dad David asked only one thing of me, to finish college. Her mother didn’t frown, well, not outwardly. “Yes, and we’re asking the same thing of you,” said Stacey. The younger woman smiled, but it was a weak smile and it carried a message, one her mother did not correctly interpret. “Have you decided on a major?” said her mother. “Pre-law,” said Jenna. “Mostly Philosophy and Psychology courses after I get done with the Gen-Ed stuff. Long term it’ll be Law school.” “Sounds exciting, doesn’t it, dear,” she said, glancing over at her husband who had somehow retrieved a beer from the kitchen without anyone noticing. “It does indeed,” said Ronald. “So when do your classes start?” said Stacey. “Not for a couple of months, but I did get a reading list from the advisor. I intend to hit the ground running. Anyway, I’ll have most of the reading done before school starts,” she said.- The talking went on for some time, but the canlı bahis elephant in the room: her visit to see, and her relationship with, the man who’d raised her was not addressed. ****** The food in the mess hall at the DOC, while not exactly terrible, left a ton to be desired. Today was Thursday, chili and beans day. The place didn’t smell bad enough every other day? They had to add to the odiferous awfulness of the place by serving chili and beans! Well, I guess it was a place of punishment and Thursday lunch certainly added to and enhanced that goal, boy did it ever. There were usually around two hundred inmates served at the same time from our block, block C. I’d done my best to keep myself from making any friends, or enemies in the almost one year now since being incarcerated. But, there were two exceptions to that effort on my part. Jonathan Margoles and Hector Santos. Hector was my cell mate; Jonathan was my boss in the kitchen. I’d been assigned to kitchen duty soon after being sent up. I’d heard from a number of my fellow inmates that the kitchen was a plum job at State. I guess it was. I could’ve been cleaning toilets or some other miserable job. I’d gotten the job when I was asked to do a favor for one of the guard captains. I was pretty good at electrical and damn near nonpareil at plumbing. Captain West needed some electrical fixed in his quarters, yes he stayed at the prison, he was there Monday through Friday. He knew my qualifications: Ferguson sold a lot of stuff ordered by hardware stores, and I had to know the ins-and-outs of those tools. I’d not been a salesman per se, but I had had to deal with company reps and suppliers at different times and I had to know the stock. I guess that info was in my file. Anyway, I was tapped to help him out. The problem wasn’t the electrical, well it was, but rather the fact that what he wanted done was against the rules. The phone and the computer line it served were off the grid, the prison’s grid. Rumor was he used it to obtain prohibited items of luxury, even the occasional woman, for well-heeled inmates. Well, those were the rumors. I didn’t give a shit; I just wanted to get along. At any rate I got the plumb job because of that. One other benefit, for being on the right side of the captain’s favor, was that I got a degree of protection from other inmates. It wasn’t total, and Hector let me know that it was better to not make waves if attacked or demands were made on me especially by the gangs of which there were a few in evidence. I’d been lucky so far, a year in and no attacks or demands. That was about to change. Captain West was transferred to a different prison. My protection was gone. I was not the member of any gang and had no group of friends to look to for protection either. It turned out that somebody who looked like I did was in demand in our male only society. Geoffrey Spaulding was six-three, and right at two-fifty. He thought I was pretty and he made it known that I could keep my teeth and ribs if I cooperated. And, so would begin my second year at the Department of Corrections, the institute of misery. It was Thursday, shower day for my group in C-block. I wasn’t allowed to leave; mister Spaulding made sure of that. “On your knees and do a good job or you won’t like what happens next,” he said. That I wouldn’t like what was going to happen in the first place evidently didn’t occur to him, or, occurring to him, didn’t interest him. So, being the ultimate pragmatist, I got down on my knees as instructed took loose hold of his penis and began to suck him off. Over the next two years I spent a lot of time on my knees. Similarly, on a few occasions I had the infinite pleasure of bending over and taking the big man up the butt. Fortunately, that wasn’t often, maybe half a dozen times during the period. Continuing on the downside, also during those two years, were a few pretty major fights with other inmates. I won two and lost two in those particular set-tos. At the end of year three or the beginning of year four, depending on how one looked at things, I caught a break. I fell into a group that was ultra-religious and that watched out for one another. I wasn’t especially religious, never had been, but all of a sudden I found it prudent to find Jesus. Being a member of the group pretty much ended my “love” affair with Geofrey Spaulding; even he didn’t mess with the Jesus freaks. Not sure whether that was because he was afraid of Jesus or the forty or fifty members of the bible beaters of C-block. ****** Still, the fights, the de facto rapes bad as they were didn’t come close to hurting as much as my nights alone: my nights without my wife, the woman who had dumped me for my brother, my ex-brother. Did I hate them still? I guess I did, but, that said the pain of loss was far worse than any anger I still harbored toward them hard as that might be to believe. And, hard as it might have been to believe, if she would have come back to me, I would have been willing to forgive and forget everything, all of the bad. Of course fantasies of that magnitude were not to be entertained, not seriously entertained at any rate. I had told them that I didn’t want to be visited, and I didn’t. Still, I would like to have gotten at least a Christmas card or two from the lot of them; and with but two exceptions, I never did, nor any other kind of remembrance. The two exceptions to this last were birthday cards from my daughter and Aunt Delia. Each one of those had a short letter inscribed in it giving me some idea of what was going on in cheatersville. But, apart from the two of them, I heard nothing. Though Aunt Delia had planned to visit me even bring me cookies; that never happened: she’d taken ill. She was forced to stay in a care facility, at her own request; she couldn’t take care of herself well enough.

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